My Week and Wallet Thrown Off by Broken iPhone

Greetings, step right in. Take a refreshment. We plan to hoop it up with Nebraska, snag some inexpensive NBA tickets and get a workout in with She Hulk.

However, it seems to be merely Wednesday? That’s unfortunate.

Here we are, my acquaintances. Mid-week, wishing it were payday instead. Some weeks are tougher than others, and so far, the days ending in Y have acted as a formidable opponent. The initial blow was directed at my smartphone. Impact was made.

My household and I enjoyed a brief Sunday – Tuesday skiing trip. While they engaged in skiing, I was occupied with work. Don’t fret, numerous bars at the resort had become very familiar with my debit card.

Anyway, as my spouse and offspring were skiing, I completed my work and decided to head to the fitness room to do something other than sit at the uncomfortable desk in the room or finish another large bottle. Foolish idea.

About 20 minutes into my session, I placed my phone on top of one of the machines. During a workout set, the phone slipped onto the floor. No big deal. The phone had a protective covering and had been dropped multiple times in the past year or so. Earlier this autumn, I dropped it into a hot tub, retrieved it after a few seconds, removed it from the case, winced, and found that it was unscathed.

After lifting the heaviest weight ever seen by a patron at the aforementioned resort, I reached down to retrieve my phone. To my surprise, it appeared as if the iPhone had taken a hit.

Initially, I assumed it was only the case, but I soon realized the shortcomings of the case’s protection were greater than those of the New York Jets’ offensive line.

Take a look:

A catastrophe had occurred. I could no longer make calls. I could receive text messages, but most of the screen had turned black. A significant inconvenience. Emails were out of the question. Browsing through social media had become a thing of the past. This situation was dreadful. Additionally, we weren’t departing until Tuesday afternoon, and this happened early Monday evening.

Skipping the specifics, upon returning home, I visited the local AT&T store and exited a few hundred dollars poorer. And no, I hadn’t enrolled in insurance. Perhaps I enjoy living on the edge. I similarly decline rental car insurance when presented with the option. I live life on the wild side.

Now, I’m not someone who seeks out fancy phones. I had an iPhone 12 that I couldn’t differentiate from any other model (get off my property). So, I instructed the saleswoman to provide me with whatever was in stock and least expensive. Another 12? That’s acceptable. However, the store exclusively stocked 15s. Thus, I had the choice to wait for 2-3 days for an older model or purchase what was available.

I’m easily fooled. I know that to be true.

Lesson learned: avoid working out – it only leads to misfortune.

Nebraska Football Exhibited A Superior Dunk Spectacle Than The NBA

I didn’t mean to be negative earlier. It’s not all bad though. Thanks to a new iPhone that operates identically to the old one but costs three times as much! And now that we’ve addressed that, let’s give praise to the Nebraska Cornhuskers football squad for providing an exemplary dunk display. Take notes, NBA.

During halftime of the men’s hoops contest against Minnesota on Sunday, members of the Cornhuskers football team engaged in a dunk contest and did not disappoint. Despite not quite leaping over head coach Matt Rhule (we’ll circle back to that), the effort was exceptional – undoubtedly surpassing the NBA’s recent endeavors.

In total, five Huskers from the football team impressed the Nebraska audience, with 6-foot defensive back Jeremiah Charles emerging as the victor.

As for Rhule, he narrowly avoided a mishap as running back Emmett Johnson nearly took out his coach just moments before barely missing a dunk.

I’ll opt for these dunks over any displays by Boston’s Jaylen Brown during NBA All-Star Saturday Night.

Scant Interest in Watching the Trail Blazers

I am uncertain of the cost to attend the Minnesota – Nebraska game/dunk contest, but I’m willing to wager it was more than what you might pay to spectate Miami versus the Trail Blazers in person on Tuesday night.

Mere hours before the underwhelming Blazers faced the Heat, resale tickets were being sold for as little as $1 before additional charges. Yes, $1 to watch players like Moses Brown and Taze Moore face off with Cole Swider.

Portland is underperforming, yet if I am within an hour’s distance of The City of Roses, I would swiftly secure those tickets. The alternative would entail skiing or exercising, and we know how that unfolds…

Bo Jackson Considering Alabama Over Auburn?

You read that correctly. Heisman-winning Auburn icon Bo Jackson could potentially be donning the colors of their rival, Alabama.

Well, not that Bo Jackson, but another running back by the same moniker.

Cleveland Villa Angela-St. Joseph high school junior, Bo Jackson, received a scholarship offer from Bama on Monday. The running back disclosed the news on his X account.

He’s a four-star recruit in the class of 2025 who, in addition to Alabama, currently possesses offers from Florida, Kentucky, Ohio State, and over a dozen other institutions.

I had the opportunity to witness Jackson’s gameplay in person last autumn. He’s the real deal. A genuine threat to score whenever he gets the ball. Nevertheless, I’d still choose Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson over the young prodigy.

*An intriguing tidbit for the veterans out there like myself. The junior Jackson’s school has produced numerous “names” that would be recognizable to football enthusiasts:

  • Mike Golic (and his sibling Bob)
  • Elvis Grbac
  • Desmond Howard
  • London Fletcher

“She Hulk” Garnering Attention – From Men

Jackie Koorn isn’t garnering the level of attention that Bo is, but she does have men pleading to embrace her colossal arms or pay for a glimpse of her feet.

Dubbed “She Hulk,” Jackie, 34, is a female bodybuilder and aspiring WWE performer adorned in tattoos with arms that dwarf Hulk Hogan’s pythons. Her nearly 50k Instagram followers are captivated.

“I frequently receive requests for private sessions lifting men in exchange for payment,” Koorn disclosed, according to The U.S. Sun. “I’ve also been asked for arm kisses or foot pictures, with offers to compensate.

“I’ve even received marriage proposals, which I find rather intense.”

In addition to messages, Jackie has numerous admirers leaving comments on her photos that are incredibly entertaining. Here are some examples:

What’s your bench press? Can you lift individuals overhead?

You could inflict serious damage with that back mmmm

I’m 220 and 6ft. Can you lift me overhead?

Imagining being held by your gentle arms in a passionate hug makes my heart flutter you are the most delightful meal my life needs

The heart wants what it desires.

Joey Votto Seeks Attention From MLB Teams

Former NL MVP Joey Votto wouldn’t mind receiving some of She Hulk’s attention. However, Votto would prefer such attention to come from one of Major League Baseball’s 30 teams rather than an Instagram admirer fixated on his back. While I did not converse with Joey, I am fairly confident in my assumption. Votto is currently a free agent after the Reds opted not to renew his contract following the 2023 season. He had been with the Reds since 2007.

Even though Cincinnati does not wish to retain his services, Votto remains eager to play.

In fact, Votto is making a dire threat if he isn’t signed by one of the league’s teams. He’s warning of committing a reprehensible act, something lowly, something despicable…something typically reserved for the lowest of the low…

Votto, in a state of madness, will neglect to return his shopping carts.

“I’ve had enough. If no one signs me, I won’t return my shopping carts,” Votto declared in a post shared by a Joey Votto parody account on X.

Following a mock headbutt towards the camera, Votto, aged 40, added: “Carts are akin to golf balls, you merely aim to get close to the hole.” 

Do the right thing, MLB. Secure this man a roster spot. Otherwise, shopping plaza parking lots will start resembling the streets of San Francisco. And no one wants to witness that.

Dad Joke Time!

If you can’t derive amusement from Votto, perhaps a dad joke will suffice. In last week’s Nightcaps, which I know you all perused, I shared a dad joke with OutKick readers and encouraged them to send their own jokes my way via email: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on X, @OhioAF. Several jokes made their way to my inbox, so I figured I’d feature one today, with this trend continuing every Wednesday.

This one was submitted by Eric S., enjoy:

Little Johnny comes home from school in tears and his dad inquires about the situation?
Johnny: “My peers mock me because I’m unaware of the definition of a penis.”
Dad: “Follow me to the bathroom Johnny.” Dad lowers his trousers and exclaims “This is a penis Johnny. Furthermore, it’s a FLAWLESS penis.”
Johnny: “Gee, thanks dad.”
The subsequent day at school, Johnny gathers all his friends and lowers HIS pants and informs the children “This is a penis! And if it was 2 inches shorter, it would be a PERFECT penis.”

It will be tough to outdo that one, but if you have a dad joke, feel free to reach out!

Time to Call it a Day

I won’t try to top that joke, so we’re concluding our activities for the day. We’ll reconvene next Wednesday. Until then, savor what remains!

                                                                                   *Nightcaps is released around 4pm (often earlier) from Monday to Friday.

                                                                                Stay updated on X: @OhioAF or email me, anthony.farris@outkick.com

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *